We just finished a series of reflections upon the question of “Right Living”. We all want to live according to God’s plan for us - becoming who He is calling us to be. The steps of Watching, Willing & even Whistling, help us to walk with a stride permitting the Spirit of God to Speak to us. But what happens in so many of our lives in the midst of the “speaking” is that doubt and questions come in.
The neighbour next to us comes over one night and tells us that their marriage is not working, their house is going up for sale - life changed. As they walk away you ask - how can I know that will not happen to me?
The person we sit with at the lunchroom table at school or even the office, tells us a family member has been diagnosed with Stage 4 Cancer, we see the fear in their eyes. How can I know that will not happen to me?
Your best friend from high school meets up with you. It has been years since you connected. Wow, they look fit, they seem happy, goals are met, success is in their corner - how come I don’t feel the same way. How can I know the reason why this did not happen to me?
How Can I Know?
If we are honest with ourselves we ask that question a lot. Of ourselves, of our family and friends and even of God. Sometimes, regretfully, the answers do not come to us as quickly, or even in the format, we want. Sometimes, actually a lot of the time, it requires us to have - well - faith! How can I know if I have faith?
This summer, I found myself asking that question in light of experiences friends were having, family was going through, people in our parish were struggling with, and it resulted in a prayer which revolved around 4 basic questions which I think will lead us well into the start of the Year of Faith
How I can I know................... if I can start over when I blew it ?
.....if there is a God?.............. if I am really thankful?.........if I have and am growing in faith?
So let’s allow God’s Word, and His Holy Eucharist, touch that doubt for us, answer those questions for us, and maybe even heal us as we ask these important questions together over the next four weeks.
Have you ever had a moment when you said to yourself - "Wow I blew it !" Maybe it was a conversation, maybe it was a choice, maybe it was a conduct. I think we can all say yes to that. If not - well - there is a small pedestal in the Visitation Gardens that does not yet have a statue I guess yours should be there cause you must be a saint. We all have moments where we blew it ! We miss the mark - the bulls eye. Maybe it was a small thing, or maybe a life altering event - a divorce, an addiction, a termination, and when we realize we blew it we stand, or so we think, in the ash heap of a ruined life and wonder - now what? Well, I got some bad news and some good news to share with you; bad news - can not erase the past - no rewind button. The good news - we are not products of our biography - failure is not the final chapter.
One of the things that happens when we realize that we blew it is that we ask ourselves one of two things : Can I fix this ? Can I hide this ? The one we choose to go with says a lot not only about our character, but also a lot about our image of God and faith.
★ You see if we believe that God can handle it, remedy it and forgive it - then faith is there.
★ If we want to say - hide it - then it is because we are ashamed, but also because we are not assured that God can tackle this one.
We call that the stumbling block that was mentioned in our Gospel (Mark 9:38-48). There are a number of stumbling blocks in our lives of faith:
Pride - that feeling that how others perceive us so much more important that who we really are.
Self Reliance - that choice that says we feel we don’t need anyone else - I got this - I can handle this.
Unresolved Relationships - hurts from our past that we didn’t get over - somebody let us down - ain’t going to happen again we say
A& W (not the burger place) - Anxiety and Worry - that dreaded question we have examined before “What if?” It takes away our peace.
Fear - we are afraid of the consequences and being discovered for our mistakes (reputations)
Bitterness - Something we are holding on to - bottling a poison conversation or conduct from yesterday and drinking it today. Recording a mental image of yesterday on our "I pod" and playing it today (Example - Gossip !)
James in our 2nd Reading (5:1-6) and even Moses in our 1st Reading (Numbers 11:25-29) speak about the way to get past these and to allow the faith we do have to move us forward:
1. Admitting our Mistakes - When we make a mistake we entering into a life altering lament - “its over”..."if only I had". Yet we fail to realize that we all possess a virus - its called Sin - it comes into our life and we need Reconciliation. When we admit that we let God’s Spirit in. “Yes Lord, I totally blew it !” “ I am doorknob, a goof, ....” because if we don’t admit our mistake we are in a prison cell. We carry a guilt, a resentment, an embarrassment that turns our character from:
- spouse to sparing partner
- friend to foe
- sibling to stranger
- loving parent to loathing person
If we let that stumbling block stop us from the Faith God calls us to our spiritual life becomes a target - and more errors come, more envy arrives, more false unreasonable expectations of self and others mountain around us, we end up drinking the "Kool Aid" of becoming a wounded person, a bitter friend, an angry spouse or child. But if we say to God - I blew it - and I want to correct it your way - then Ok - we walk not with a stumbling block of pride, self reliance.....but with a walking stick of faith that will help us climb any mountain. It takes eating crow, it requires humbling ourselves, if might mean some big changes and short term pain - but yes He will get me you thru this, and not alone - but with the support of small groups, people of faith, prayer partners, services like our neighbourhood ministry.
2. Accept an Intermission and Get Ready for Act 2
A period of time between your failure and your future. We don’t like those. We want to jump from one thing into another. Remember the story of Peter denying Jesus. At one moment Peter is in the court yard of the Jewish leaders and he denies Christ three times. Wow - Peter blew it. But he admit what he did, and accepted an intermission, seven weeks later Peter is in the centre of the city - following Pentecost - proclaiming Jesus is Risen and He is Lord. That takes surrender.
This intermission replenishes us emotionally, and physically, and is a time to reflect on our failure - not wallow in them, but to approach reconciliation with God in His Sacrament. One of the troubles is the feeling we have here in Church we feel here and leave it here. But God wants to take us from here and take that feeling to there - the world, live in that emotion, power, thought of His will and way. It must be that thing that drives us every day.
So - how can you know if you have can start over if you blew it. Ask yourself are their stumbling blocks in your way ? What are they ? Pride, self reliance, unresolved relationship, a & w, bitterness?
Are you willing to surrender?
Let me finish with this. I was at Zehrs last week - getting some groceries. I tend to go a bit later in the evening - mostly because that is when I have time - and I can go pretty quick as well. I was staring at the Dorito and Potato Chip shelves - a small glimpse of heaven on earth - when a gentleman came up and asked if I was the priest at St Mary’s. "Yes" I replied. "I have always wanted to ask you something", he said. Here I thought - deep theological question, moment to bring back a lost sheep, occasion to testify to Christ....deep breath...you got this Padre! “I am not a Catholic” he said. “But I have always wanted to know” “Yes, a new member” I thought! Then he goes on, “Why is it that in front of your church you fly a white flag, looks like you guys are surrendering.” I composed myself - didn’t want the disappointment to show. But then replied. "Well, it has our parish logo of Mary and Elizabeth, shows the Visitation, but actually, we have surrendered, to God. His will is our way and its that simple really."
So - how can you know if you have can start over if you blew it. Are you willing to surrender - not give up - but surrender your stumbling block and let God make it a building block - right living - to His truth and permitt Him a period of intermission toward the second act - to becoming who He is calling you to be !